Living for the moment.

A number of years ago a made a decision to live in the moment; to be aware of the people and places as I passed through each day, and not to be always looking forward or looking back. The thing is, I'm not sure how succesful I have been. I continue to await certain events with a wishfulness that tends to rush me from one day to the next. I also find myself longing for times and people past, which causes me to miss the beauty of those I have around me now.
I remember the time when I made that decision. I had been to visit a very dear friend and his wife. Stephen was battling with terminal cancer and expressed his dissapointment that some had pulled away from him, not wanting to see his suffering. After thinking about his comment I realised that I saw it more as a priviledge to share in this time and decided to savour every moment I had left to share in this remarkable life. I know that over the next few months I became much closer to both Steve and his wife and when he died the pain was extreme, but the richness of the loss will always be something I count as precious. If I had closed off my heart and protected it from the inevitable loss, I would have missed the blessing and priviledge of knowing well this wonderful human being.
As a mother of four wonderful children I have enjoyed every age and stage they have grown through. I loved my babies, with their big eyes that captivated my soul. I loved my todlers as they set forth on tottering legs to explore the world. I loved my children as they grew and experienced all the ups and downs of young life. I love my young adults as they wisely choose friends, careers, and soul mates. I have enjoyed each step of the way, and savour the memories we have made.
As each of my children spread their wings and become the independent adults I had always planned for them to be, I hope I can embrace the future and all that it holds. I have learned to value even more the precious time I still have with them. One has already moved beyond my embrace to the other side of the earth. There is an unsettled feeling deep in my heart as I realise that this time next year I will be seperated by land and ocean from each of them. I know that there will be pain, but I also know that I would not want the pain to be less.
I intend to love them and treasure every moment I have, both when they are close and when it is only their voices that I can hold close.