Surprised by Joy

I sat at my kitchen table, absentmindly flipping through the newspaper. I was draining my coffee with the view to clearing things away and beggining the day proper, when my eyes scanned over the obituary column. Just a few simple words were all it took. Suddenly the expressions of love and gratitude to a father lost were echoing in my head. It has been almost ten years since my own Dad passed away. Ten years since the only man who loved me unconditionally left my world. The child in me longs to feel that love once more. I know that love from my heavenly Father, and I that knowledge is even more secure because of how well it was modelled by my earthly father.
I remembered to words I penned for his tombstone... "Your strong and gentle love will live, in the love that you taught us to give" I only hope and pray that I have and can continue to give that love to my children. That they can know as I have known, a strong, solid foundation of security, from which to travel into the world.
I cried for the family with their raw grief expressed in print before me. I cried for my own grief still buried deep. But I also wept for joy, for all the wonderful memories that flood my soul.

Floodgate

I have all these words inside me. So much I want to tell. Both my story and the stories in my head. I used to write of mystery and conflict, of love and loss. It has been so long since I let all these things out. Pain is such a glorious mews. It flows out through the pen as fluid as a mountain stream.
At one point in time I distinctly remember deciding that this life was as good as it gets. Not that I was overwhelmed by the sublime nature of life and love, more like I finally accepted that to demand more was only causing me pain. I think that at that point I also lost my desire to share my stories. I want that back!
I know that if I am to rediscover who I am and find my voice, I will need to open myself up to the pain. Open up to the desire for life and love, open up to the deep longing to know and be known.
I only hope I have the courage to push through to the other side, where life is real again, before it is too late. I do not want to go quiet to that goodnight!